Where go

Goodbye Sling, Hello Physio

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 16:09:27 GMT

Yeah so I ended up busting my elbow during my first match of the wrestling tournament almost 3 weeks ago. I was kicking this chicks ass, the first time I've ever gotten points, lol, and then I landed badly, with her on top of me, hearda cracking noise and my whole arm went limp. Then I kept wrestling and she STILL couldn't pin me. So the ref blew the whistle, I couldn't get up, starting bawling, the pain was freaking unbearable, and couldn't finish the match. :( So I was rushed to emercency at the hospital, I got a an x-ray, but my arm was too swollen to determine anything from it, they then sent me to a specialist that I had to wait a WEEK for, got another x-ray... My arm swelled up 3 times it's normal size, it bruised red, then, purple, then my whole arm was green. I got an MRI. And 2 weeks after the tournament - 2 weeks wearing a stupid sling - I finally find out what's wrong. The ligament tore a little piece of bone off my elbow, and the other 2 bones smashed together when I kinda twisted/hyper-extended it. So the bone piece "is in a good position" and it should heal back on in THREE MONTHS. Three months till I can use it perfectly again. I still can only extend my arm about 90 degrees, I'm doing physio excercises and meeting with the therapist late spring break again.
Oh yeah, it's Spring Break... yay?
Last day of my instructor-in-training days tomorrow (not including the one AquaAdult class I must attend and observe before I can pass). Yaaaay. I can be a REAL, PAID swimming instructor soon... well when my arm heals, I guess.

Do you love me, Will you love me forever?

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 03:59:15 GMT

That's right... Meat Loaf concert tomorrow! With my Mom. I'm super excited. :D

Thursday night I had an OC marathon with Claudine. We watched 7 episodes in a row (not counting a 30 minute break for supper in which she cooked me some asian noodles and lipton soup) of the first season, and it was awesome. Claud had never seen them before, and she loooved it, surprisingly, haha.

Tuesday after school I have a wrestling tournament at McNally. Cities. I'm so terrified. My Coach thinks I'm going to make it to provincials in Calgary. Is he crazy??? I may be good at a lot of things, but wrestling is not one of them. I lack instinct. Which is pretty important in this sport. I need everything planned out, and time to think. Wrestling does not give me that.

Last tournament, which was also my first one, was the hardest thing I've ever been through physically, and one of the hardest things I've been through mentally.

Getting your ass kicked in front of people, and then having to get up and face them again, when you're so exhausted you can't even stand up, but you have to... people are watching, they're waiting, they're laughing to themselves, they expect you to get your ass kicked again... and I did. It's not a good feeling. And I don't want to go through that again on Tuesday.

Not to mention tomorrow I teach 4 classes of smimming all by myself for the first time, with someone watching, which SUCKS. I hate being analyzed, I hate being under pressure. This week is really a test of my courage. My weaknesses are showing, and I hardly let them.

Answers..?

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 22:39:01 GMT

How the hell do you define confidence, and how do you measure how much you have?
Is it even possible to have pseudo-confidence?
Is jealousy only a lack of self-assurance?
How do you know if you know who you really are?
How can you tell when you're in denial?
How do you distinguish between who's right and who's wrong?
How do you confront a lying hypocrite when you are one yourself?
What is courage and how do you come by it?
How much can you believe in something until it becomes selfishness?
It is wrong to convince yourself that everything will in fact be okay?
Should you trust your heart, your mind, or your gut?
How do you find balance?
Is it possible to make and keep everyone happy, including yourself?
Is living in the moment really a bad thing?
How do you choose between people you love?
How many times do you overreact before it's not overreacting anymore?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Shut up, I'm wrong, I know...but we can't talk about it,
All the wars we won, but we're still walking home,
Don't give me your reasons, for all my bad intentions,
New York... LA... Hey man, you know its all the same...

"I HATE MYSELF, WAAAAAH"

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 17:17:46 GMT

-Stop whining.

People who constantly put themselves down really annoy me. If you think you're ugly or fat, then either a) you aren't and you're just insecure and love getting the attention from people who will then tell you otherwise, or b) you ARE, and so you need to either change it, or accept it and move on. Seriously. Fat people can lose weight, and ugly people can change their hair or their makeup or their clothes. Get off your ass, and DO something about it. And realize that the good people will love you no matter what.

So in a few minutes I'll be in the cold swimming pool teaching little kids -- Day 3 of my practice teaching. It really makes me nervous being evaluated and such. I can't wait till I can teach on my own (and start making money).

My Dad and brother are gone all day for a bowling tournament in Camrose. Let me just say... i'm sure they'll do very well, yesss. HA.

Good morning.

Socially Inept:

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 02:54:10 GMT

"A person who is considered to lack social skills"

Apparently I am this, according to my Dad. Which I believe to be completely untrue, but he will never see it. When I took the road of genius, my parents just wanted me to be popular.

"Are you still going out with that guy?"
"Yeah, he's pretty amazing. The only problem is that my parents hate him."
"What?! But he makes you so happy! Why do they hate him?"
"Because I love him."

I've thought about it, and it can be the only explanation. However, if my parents' unhappiness is due to my happiness, and they want to be happy, resulting in my unhappiness, then where does that leave the three of us? What exactly are they asking of me? Do they really seek my unhappiness in exchange for their happiness? Is that even fair?

There are few things in life that are fair.

I've always felt like later on in life I'm supposed to write a novel. Have you ever got the feeling that you're supposed to be something special? I've always thought I was special, and not in a conceited way at all, just different. I just feel like people should know my name, it's not that I necessarily want to be famous, or a celebrity, I just want to somehow... I don't know... change people lives? Does that sound corny? Of course it sounds corny. Anyway, I have high hopes for myself. Damn high goals. And the worst disappointment is the one you can have for yourself. I've always seen myself being something great, someone powerful. Yet, there's another side of me that wants to be lazy and in love, married and with kids... happy, comfortable. I think I want that more. Maybe I could have a little of both.

I curled my hair today. You're thinking, "yeah, whatever." But if you know me at all you know that this is a once/twice-in-a-year type of thing for me. So did I go somewhere special today or something? Nah, just Burger King. Welcome to my world.

What do I think of when I think of LJ...

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 20:38:20 GMT

First comes to mind:

- depressed girls who kill themselves and their LJ is later discovered
- those cute icon things; i've saved over 200 Adam/Rachel ones just so I could stare at them
- my old website/fanlisting obsession, and how I became familiarized with LJ thru people's site collectives
- how I'm scared this will start up my love for HTML again, and that's why I refuse to customize this
- how I know my parents are likely to find this someday after I've written personal things, and then I'll be screwed
- how I've neglected my real diary because I'm terrified my parents will read it again
- how I miss writing

What the hell. Let's give this a shot.

So Christmas is coming up, eh? (Yes, no need to point out that I must be Canadian, I know I am, and yes, I say "eh" even though I'm completely aware of the stereotype. Who gives a shit.) You gotta admit that Christmas started to suck more ever since you found out Santa did not in fact exist. Oh well, that means I had 12 awesome Christmases, and that's a whole lot more than most people. I'm one of those naive, trusting, goodie-goodies who has a >95% average and 3 best friends who are all asian. And yes, I believed in Santa till I wrote him a letter asking for a ride in his sleigh to prove to me that he was real when I was around 12, and then, I realized how foolish I'd been and stopped believing. I still believe in the spirit of Christmas persay, and I might even be excited for my 2 week Christmas vacation if it wasn't for 3 things:

1) I'm forbidden to see my boyfriend out of school, or even talk to him. I'm gonna miss him like hell.
2) I actually enjoy learning and being in class. Shut up.
3) Inclusive from the 27th-30th, I'll be taking my Water Saftey Instructor course to become a Swim Instructor, which is from 9am - 4pm.

Hmmm. I found out my little brother, who is 12, has done weed and I don't know what the hell to do. He can be a stupid, stupid kid. He is the complete opposite of me. I'm an anti-drinking, anti-partying, anti-f-word 16 year old. There should be more of us. Anyone?

That's all. (Sorry, I'm reading The Devil Wears Prada if you know what I mean.)

Oh no....

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 04:59:56 GMT

Uh oh... Look who got a blog...

This should be interesting.